AND WE'RE BACK! // MONTH EIGHTEEN.

My dear readers, I think I'm finally ready to touch this little corner of the internet again. I took a long, unscheduled break as our family trudged through the stress and busyness of last semester, and it carried on well past our holiday travels. Poor J has had so much on his plate:  multiple GRE tests, PhD applications/writing samples/recommendations, the presentation of a paper of his at a conference in the Midwest, and, of course, the normal workload of the semester. I actually think we handed that season quite well, despite the mountain of challenges.

Now J has roughly ten weeks left of his time at Duke. PhD application results are rolling in, slow as molasses. The snow is melting and Spring is just around the corner. We're constantly reworking the math to figure out if we can afford to live on a meager stipend for the next five years. Oh, and I'm pregnant. (We are thrilled! More on this later.) We are on the cusp of so much change right now that I'm finding it impossible to live in the moment. I've never been known for my patience, and I'd rather start making all of these adjustments now. Nevertheless, here we are and I must wait.



Anyway, as usual I would like to take this time to rant and rave about the preciousness that is my firstborn. Finnegan is a whole year and a half now. His personality is huge, his sense of humor is remarkable, and his eagerness to experience and understand is simply inspiring. He has finally decided to pick up a couple of words:  dough-jee (doggie), kiggy (kitty), nine-o (dino), mum (more), hun-gee (hungry), and so on. These words are peppered throughout his usual strangely commanding baby talk, which probably gets him the most attention by strangers, only second to his red hair. His answer to nearly every question is "no," with exception to one (this is possibly the most tear-inspiring -- for me -- development I could share:  if I ask Finnegan if I love him, he gives me lots of huge, enthusiastic nods of his head. Tears... forever. He also always, always, always offers a kiss to Mama. He has a whole mouthful of teeth, really; he got eight all at once over Christmas and I think we're just waiting on those last molars now. He has grown into a lanky little guy, with skinny arms and legs and an impressive belly. He developed a fear of the dark and likes to sleep with his door open now. He loves other kids and is so wildly tough in his spunky play that it is almost concerning. "You really let him fend for himself, don't you?" a mom said to me the other day at the playground. "...Yeah, he doesn't really need my help." Its true.

Finnegan's current hobbies include:  walking backwards, dancing to any/all music, singing the Handy Manny song, exploring the outdoors, playing with cars and trucks, touching (destroying) all phones and laptops, eating blueberries, doing somersaults, making phone calls, talking about doggies, wearing my shoes, knocking on doors, and waving to bu-dee (birdies).

FOURTEEN MONTHS.

Past the one year mark, I felt a little silly writing a monthly update on Finnegan. That would reach a level of personal self-indulgence that should never be permanently documented via the internet. Instead, I think I'll check in every once in a while and let you know what he is up to.

At fourteen months, I think I may have a little boy. Everyday I look for little glimpses of babyhood, but now these moments are few and far between. In ways, I miss those times (and in lots of other ways, I don't), but right now is just so fun. I love to lay on the floor of Finnegan's room and watch him putt around, from one activity to the next. Studying textures, pairing up shapes, experimenting with the sound two toys make when smashed together. Watching this little person reason and make decisions. I am not being overly dramatic when I say that it is an absolute privilege. It is a little silly to say, but I am just so happy that he wants to spend time with me. Me. I feel so lucky. I can't help but smile and feel the deepest gratitude.

We spend a lot of time pretending that absolutely everything is a phone, be it a piece of food, a washcloth, any/all toys. He is so fiercely independent--when we got on walks (wait, he walks, did you miss that??), he will not hold my hand unless it is to help him with a step up or down. He wants to explore at his own pace and I'm mostly happy to let him do that. We've taken to an evening walk around the block that may be my favorite time of day. Other fun little bits and pieces are how Finn always tries to squeeze my keys through the crack in the front door, and how he won't kiss anyone but his BFF baby friend MMM. I mean, he is obsessed with kissing her. He has also taken to wrapping his arms around my leg and sticking close when he's getting more attention from a stranger than he is used to. In these moments, I am beaming.

GROWING LIKE A WEED.

A few months before Finnegan was born, I was introduced to an incredible app:  Everyday. The concept is simple; the app alerts you a time or two a day (if you so choose) to remind you to take a picture. It is typically used for self portraits, but I decided to use it for pictures of Finnegan. Although I wasn't nearly as consistent as I could have been (infant baby to care for, c'mon!), I have a really quick, super fun video that documents my sweet little newborn baby growing up (sad!) and losing the majority of his enormous cheeks (tears!). I will cherish this short little video forever. I could watch it a million times over (and have).  Check out the video behind the cut:  

IDAHO PT. II: FINNEGAN'S BIRTHDAY.

“Let children walk with Nature, let them see the beautiful blendings and communions of death and life, their joyous inseparable unity, as taught in woods and meadows, plains and mountains and streams of our blessed star, and they will learn that death is stingless indeed, and as beautiful as life.”
― John Muir

MONTH TWELVE // YEAR ONE.

August 15, 2013. The end of an era -- the end of infancy and the start of toddlerhood. I find myself a little sad about this change, only because I can't imagine enjoying my time with Finn more, but I know that is silly. With toddlerhood comes words and imagination. We will welcome walking and running, bike riding, story telling, game playing, picture drawing, kiss giving. I'm excited for Finn to gain a bit of independence and show me more of who he is. I'm excited to hear him describe the world in which he so enjoys.

In Finnegan's twelfth month, he learned how to climb stairs and safely scoot off the couch, feet first. He welcomed two more teeth and now has quite a display of tight red curls on the back of his head. He can manage a fork and spoon pretty well and begs to drink out of mama's cup. He finally decided to revisit the word "mama" and continues to give us plenty of "dada" as well. No formal first word yet, however. He takes to using a very whiny voice to let me know that he "needs" something which is such a joy... (remind me to push baby sign the next time around!) He is quite comfortable on his feet and basically runs around the apartment with the help of his walker. He developed a fierce love for older kids. If one is around, he has to be with them, held by them, sharing toys with them -- interacting in any way he knows how. He developed an affinity for instigating peekaboo and thinks it quite funny when he "hides" behind even the skinniest of posts and turns his entire upper body to a 90 degree angle and peek around to surprise whomever might be around. He's excited to push around anything on wheels and enjoys a good round of clapping.

Finnegan is sweet as pie, wildly curious, impossibly strong bodied and willed. He has changed who I am in ways that I didn't even know were malleable. I am constantly challenged by him to be my best and then some. Finnegan, you are my treasure. My lips are never without a thank you to God for sending you my way. You are a beautiful, wonderful person. I could not be more proud to be your mama.

Click through the past year of FFC's life here:  birth story / month one / month two / month three / month four & five / month six / month seven / month eight / month nine / month ten / month eleven

MONTH ELEVEN.

Just today, after an unusual silence coming from FFC's room, I tiptoed down the hall to peek in at what he was doing. Much to my surprise, I peered around the corner only to see him sitting in the (adult-sized) chair in his room, smiling and leaning back resting his head. Over the past few weeks, he has been trying his hand at scaling things -- chairs and the couch mostly -- which has made me quite fearful that I can't really let him play in a room by himself, as gravity hasn't revealed itself to him yet. However, on this occasion, he very happily and proudly sat on his chair, safe as can be. I stared at him for a few moments, trying to contain my laughter. As I looked on, I couldn't help but think about just how big he is, how independent and capable, and how happy. When my laughter could be contained no more, I joined him in his room and passed him a few books. He enjoyed them, as usual, by turning the pages one after the other as quickly as he could. Then he leaned over to me, I scooped him up, and covered his face with kisses for probably the 64th time today.









Over the past two months, Finnegan's two front teeth finally reared their painful heads. They're mostly out now and appear to have a very cute gap (fingers crossed). His hair is growing like a weed, with sweet wispy curls in the back and a very model-esque, wavy, tousled look upfront. He is getting taller and leaner, with thinning legs and a boyish face. Still holding on to that perfectly plump belly though. He gives slobbery, open-mouthed kisses. He also loves to share his paci with you when asked, and will even take a Cheerio from his mouth and (try) to put it in yours. So generous. His favorite foods are tofu, tomatoes, and any/all beans. Sometime over the past two months he also slept! through! the! night! I woke up one morning a little after six to complete silence. I laid there, wide awake, refreshed and excited. Although every night isn't as great as that first one, he is really sleeping like a champ. He is seriously considering walking in the very near future, all the while exploring the apartment pushing around his little crocodile walker. His sense of humor also took an interesting turn:  the most hilarious thing in Finnegan's little world is the sound of a cartoon witch's voice. Yep, gets a huge laugh every single time.

MONTH TEN.

Ten Months from Megan Coyle on Vimeo.

It seems that a month ten update on Finnegan has passed me by. I didn't take my usual portraits of him, and seeing that we're just days shy of month eleven, it didn't make much sense to take them now. Instead, I put together another little video of some of the things that have been going on around here.

Music by A Tribe Called Quest.

MONTH NINE.

Finnegan is nine months old. Of course I can't help but compare the past nine months to the nine that preceded them. I can say for sure that these months feel MUCH longer. I think it's because slowly but surely my life pre-motherhood is becoming a distant, muddled memory. That sounds really sad, and that's because it kind of is. BUT, this is my life now and love makes up for a lot.

Anyway, this month brought on a second vampire tooth bringing Finnegan to a grand total of four teeth. He is also a total pro at crawling to sitting, sitting to crawling, standing to laying down (this one is HUGE for sleep!!). He is climbing into a standing position, letting go, and balancing on his very own two feet for a little bit! He talks on and on, using a whole range of voices and sounds. He even squeaked out a few unspecific "mama"'s which completely melts my heart. He has also taken to getting a tad more cuddly since he switched to sleeping on his stomach. He is mostly able to get himself to sleep for naps and bedtime, but struggles quite a bit when he wakes up at night. Work in progress! But he's doing great.

MONTH EIGHT.

Finn's two most major accomplishments occurred on the same day of this month:  he literally started crawling during Good Friday mass and he also somehow managed to unbutton his onsie, remove his diaper, and pee everywhere when he was supposed to be sleeping.

As I mentioned before, Finn is crawling!!!! Within the past two weeks, he came to realize the functionality of such a movement. When he isn't darting across the room to pick up some nearly invisible speck of something that shouldn't go in anyone's mouth, ever, he is following me around the apartment and climbing as high as he possibly can to look at what I'm doing. He can scale anything vertical:  dining table chairs, couches, tables, sliding glass door, crib, dishwasher, dryer door, speaker, changing table --- he's all over it. All. Over. It. It is pretty incredible how quickly he can get in to things. Lucky for me, he is also totally excited to hang out in his crib or exersaucer for up to an hour and entertain himself.

Month eight also brought us a tooth. A snaggle tooth to be exact. Most babies get teeth in this order:  middle bottom two, middle top two, side top two, side bottom two. (That is horribly nondescript but you get it?) This guy got a random top side tooth before aaaanything else on top. He has five other teeth visible in his gums hanging out up there, but this weirdo one showed up first and has pushed its way through the gums rather quickly -- you can see it all by itself when Finnegan smiles. WEIRDO.

Finn is also in the process of perfecting his little pincer grasp, which means he has finally achieved his lifelong goal of feeding himself. Its completely adorable to watch. He grabs a bit of food with a completely open hand, then turns his hand over, uncurls his tight fingers, and uses the other hand to pluck the food from fist to mouth. So much work and coordination for just a bite. He's eating all kinds of things now which has been really fun. Least favorite food:  apricots and goat's milk yogurt. Sorry, bro.

Finn is also in the process of (ahem) learning to sooth himself to sleep. This mama reached a point she never knew she could reach, and this training hasn't been super fun, but I have had an incredible cheerleader/coach/friend give me play-by-play instructions, which has kept me sane and helped me get a bit more sleep! Finn will lay down in his crib at bedtime, get comfortable, and drift off to sleep on his very own. Naps are another story, but it is a work in progress!

Other little things I want to remember from this month:  how he exclusively uses his middle finger for jobs in which every other person in the world uses their pointer finger, how his favorite "word" to say is "abueeeeeeeegggggg...", and how someone asked me if we named him after Fin from Law & Order: SVU. (I said yes.)

MONTH SEVEN.

Technically month seven + thirteen days. I don't know if there is any sense in writing now when it will be time to do so again so soon, but there is just so much to say! So much that has changed! So much newness and complete astonishment on my part, really.

MONTH SIX.

I think the sweetness of the past month we've had with Finny can sort of be summed up in the simple and yet unforgettable experience that we had this morning.  Finn was up early, of course, but we had a slow start to our Saturday and stayed in bed while Finn lie between Justin and me, rolling from one side to the other taking turns putting his fingers in Papa's eyes, Mama's mouth, both of our noses. Out the bedroom window we all cuddled up under layers of blankets and watched as fat, fluffy snowflakes fell from the sky -- a rarity in Durham.

When will I stop saying "this was the most fun I've had with Finn yet"? Nine or ten years old? Surely by junior high. No time soon, I'm guessing. Month six was an explosion of movement and growth. So much newness all at once. As of yesterday's check up, this little guy is weighing in at 20 pounds, 1 ounce and is 28 inches tall. Officially over double his birth weight and half a foot taller, in some ways I have a hard time believing that this is the same baby I gave birth to six long/short months ago (depends on the day).  He is eternally curious, always running his hands over different textures, putting anything he can get his hands on in his mouth, and shimmying his way over to objects just out of reach.

The most obvious has been the arrival of two little bottom teeth that sliced their way through a very sad baby's gums. Those things weren't fun to get, and they aren't that fun to have now either. He likes to put them to good use on fingers, noses, etc. Good thing they are so cute. No signs of other teeth at the moment, and we'll take it, because Finn is sure enjoying this time off and he's way into getting a decent amount of sleep. His eyes have certainly changed too. Almond shaped like his Papa's and they seem to be taking on a hazel tone.

I keep thinking that we're getting so close to crawling, but we still haven't made it quite there. Finn is pretty skilled at spinning around the wood floor in circles, standing up (when propped up by the couch, or a chair) for a super long time!, wiggling himself up on his hands and knees, and lurching forward, but he can't quite figure out how to put one hand in front of the other. He does find it to be completely hilarious when I push him around as if he is crawling, however. His all time favorite activity is jumping -- it is probably his number one skill. He is also able to sit up, but pretty inconsistently.

We have also introduced Finn to the world of solids (its going a lot better than it was here). Finn is pretty excited about sweet potatoes, peas, and pears. This was the first activity that really showed me exactly how independent of a boy we have on our hands. He loves to guide the spoon to his mouth and I think would be much happier if I was just removed from the solids situation and he could feed himself completely. Not quite there yet. He also tends to exert his independence by not loving to cuddle a whole lot, and not often falling asleep in my arms.

A few other things that I don't want to forget about this past month is how Finn has stretches his vocal chords to their limits, continuously making low, rumbly growls, and neverending high pitched yelps. I love when he grabs my cheeks, tricks me into thinking I'm about to get a kiss, but instead quickly get a face full of slobber.  It is completely precious to see how he's taken up snorting to tell me when something is bothering him. I love how he loves a smile from across the room and how he's figured out how to suck (chew) his thumb. So many wonderful new things, every day it seems, make Finn completely magical.

MONTHS FOUR & FIVE.

Five month old Finnegan Francis is one of the better people I've ever had the opportunity of knowing.  Somewhere between month three (I missed an update during the busyness of the holiday season!) and now, Finn transformed from something that was cute to look at to someone who is FUN.  His personality shines through stronger each day.  He is equal parts reserved and curious, and will make a very serious face, sucking in his bottom lip, while running his hands over my face, grabbing my nose and poking my eyes, feeling my hair and then giving it a tug.  He is also quick to smile and often buries his head in your shoulder once you've caught him smiling back for a little too long.  His favorite thing ever right now is his buddy Bruno's exersaucer.  He rolls!  Back to front, front to back, over and over.  In just the past few days, he's taken up rolling as a means of transportation.  Rolling across the room, rolling towards Papa's side, rolling until he can reach his toy.  Speaking of toys, the other day I laid him in his crib, and while I was taking care of something across the room, noticed that my little baby was scooting around, playing with this toy and then that, having a wonderful time entertaining himself.  I sat across the room watching him play, and couldn't believe my eyes.  My little tiny sweetheart was already beginning to look like a boy to me.  Makes me a little weepy.

MONTH THREE.

1. Sweet little honey pie Finn has really started to show some interaction and personality this month.  He is doing this precious thing where he'll giggle and smile a huge, open mouth smile, and then bury his face in the chest of whoever is holding him.  It just KILLS ME!!!  Throughout the month he has gone from occasionally laughing when he is tickled (oh yeah, did I mention he's ticklish now?) to giggling when you talk to him or make silly sounds.  Then there are the other times when he laughs and laughs while staring at the front door or the toys dangling above his play mat and it makes a lot less sense.  Anyhow, I'm loving this whole new side of him.
2. Finn also continues to exercise the range of his voice.  This has been one of the most lovely and hilarious experiences.  While I was pregnant, something that I often thought about was what Finn's voice would sound like.  Although it's still developing, hearing him make all kinds of sounds has been so wonderful.  Its one of those things that as I'm taking it in, I have this strange out-of-body experience in which I cannot believe that this is my life.  This is my little baby.  One week he'll be making high pitched squeeks, and the next he'll make low, raspy noises.  He loves the sound of his own voice too.  If we play a video of him making noise, he can't contain his smile.  He also seems to really enjoy when we mimic him, although I'm trying to not go crazy here, because I'm one of those people who spends too much time reading and am afraid I'll stunt his speech development.